I’ve never had an injury that was serious enough to be what I would think of as “life changing” but some people have. It’s a pretty deep idea to think about.
I came across this post online recently. Here’s what this woman wrote:
I experienced a life changing injury 6 months ago, which has left me very physically disabled and in excruciating pain 24/7. I am waiting for scans in the next month, after being refused medical care in the country where I was injured, but it is likely there is very little to be done to fix this. I am also trying physical therapy to get better, but so far with no results and just increased pain. The situation is making me severely depressed, and I really need to find some acceptance for what happened, and my life moving forward. I am in therapy already for some other stuff, but not able to come to acceptance for this injury yet.
I’m stuck feeling despair and anger, and like I’m only a burden for the people around me, including my partner. I can’t work, nor participate in fun activities that requires anything other than sitting, and even that I cannot do for long. I can’t go for walks, sex is painful, almost all my hobbies are no longer possible. I barely sleep because of the pain, so I’m always sleep deprived as well. I have to be medicated for pain through the day and night to even be able to talk or move. If I try to skip a day, I cannot function.
I really would like to feel that life is worth living even with chronic severe pain and physical disabilities I never imagined having to deal with. I spend so much energy and tears on feeling upset about the situation, and it’s interfering with me at least feeling as okay as I possibly can. I need to find radical acceptance, but I feel so heart broken when I try. I don’t know what to do.
I can just hear the despair in her words. She wrote that in an online forum 5 years ago, so I would love to know how she’s doing today. But I don’t.
My guest today is Patrick, and he knows what it’s like to have an accident that results in a life-changing injury. He was young and athletic, and he loved to go surfing and run ultramarathons. But then one day he broke his neck, and he had no idea what the rest of his life was going to look like.
If you’d like to contact Patrick –
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bodiezepha415/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/patrick.yalon
Full show notes and pictures for this episode are here:
https://WhatWasThatLike.com/261
Graphics for this episode by Bob Bretz. Transcription was done by James Lai.
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Episode transcript (download transcript PDF):
I’ve never had an injury that was serious enough to be what I would think of as “life changing” but some people have. It’s a pretty deep idea to think about.
I came across this post online recently. Here’s what this woman wrote:
I experienced a life changing injury 6 months ago, which has left me very physically disabled and in excruciating pain 24/7. I am waiting for scans in the next month, after being refused medical care in the country where I was injured, but it is likely there is very little to be done to fix this. I am also trying physical therapy to get better, but so far with no results and just increased pain. The situation is making me severely depressed, and I really need to find some acceptance for what happened, and my life moving forward. I am in therapy already for some other stuff, but not able to come to acceptance for this injury yet.
I’m stuck feeling despair and anger, and like I’m only a burden for the people around me, including my partner. I can’t work, nor participate in fun activities that requires anything other than sitting, and even that I cannot do for long. I can’t go for walks, sex is painful, almost all my hobbies are no longer possible. I barely sleep because of the pain, so I’m always sleep deprived as well. I have to be medicated for pain through the day and night to even be able to talk or move. If I try to skip a day, I cannot function.
I really would like to feel that life is worth living even with chronic severe pain and physical disabilities I never imagined having to deal with. I spend so much energy and tears on feeling upset about the situation, and it’s interfering with me at least feeling as okay as I possibly can. I need to find radical acceptance, but I feel so heart broken when I try. I don’t know what to do.
I can just hear the despair in her words. She wrote that in an online forum 5 years ago, so I would love to know how she’s doing today. But I don’t.
My guest today is Patrick, and he knows what it’s like to have an accident that results in a life-changing injury. He was young and athletic, and he loved to go surfing and run ultramarathons. But then one day he broke his neck, and he had no idea what the rest of his life was going to look like.
Scott
For people who have never been to Ocean Beach in San Francisco, can you describe what that’s like?
Patrick
Ocean Beach is in its own category, I would say, in terms of just beaches that are just kind of gnarly. It’s cold, it’s unforgiving, it can pound you down. The undertow is pretty ruthless. Even paddling out there on a small day is difficult. Just endless duck-dives, ice cream headaches from the cold, wet water. Yeah, it is just gnarly. Northern California beaches are kind of typically a little harder, just have a little more grit to them than Southern California beaches, and Ocean Beach definitely being at the top of that list here.
Scott
The way you describe it, I’m wondering what attracts you to go to a beach like that? I mean, obviously it was the water.
Patrick
Yeah. Well, I grew up in San Francisco. I grew up pretty close to it in the Sunset District out here in San Francisco, which is right next to Ocean Beach. So I just started surfing there as a teenager, following suit with friends who were doing it, and it was kind of just baptism by fire – just going out there. Having friends not really helped me but being there with me, and it was just kind of learning on your own. It’s either you learn and adapt or you just kind of wash out. People end up just quitting if it’s not for them. And yeah, Ocean Beach– probably not recommended for a person learning how to surf. You kind of want to start somewhere else that’s a little more mellow. But for me, I felt like it really helped shape me as a surfer moving forward because I felt like if I could surf there, I could surf most places.
Scott
When this happened, how far did you live from Ocean Beach?
Patrick
Two blocks. I’m on 47th Avenue, and Ocean Beach is two blocks down.
Scott
So obviously this is a place that, even last minute – you got an hour – you could go surfing at the beach.
Patrick
Yep.
Scott
How often have you seen other surfers get in trouble or have an accident?
Patrick
I mean, we’d heard stories. I’ve been out there at times when there have been emergency services that have shown up for people in need. I’ve seen people get pulled into the beach, just sometimes the people that get in over their head that don’t really know what they’re doing so much out there or–
Scott
When you say that, do you mean “in over their head” literally in the water or they’re past their experience level?
Patrick
Well, I think what I mean by that is a lot of people– it’s a sunny day and it can be kind of deceiving, and people are like, “Oh, I can go out there.” It’s not just surfing. Every year, there’ll be, like, swimmers that get swept away. If it’s a really hot day inlands, people come out here to hang out at the beach. It looks inviting but it’s not. The undertow can just grab you away. In terms of surfing, I mean, I’ve seen people– their leashes snap on bigger days and have to swim in, which happened to me. It’s a pretty frightening experience in its own right.
Scott
I did a quick Google search earlier, and it’s important to note that the water is treacherous with dangerous rip currents.
Patrick
Yep.
Scott
Can you describe a rip current and how is this dangerous?
Patrick
So if you get caught in a rip, it can just pull you out further and further and you have to get out of this. How I was always taught to get out of it is you swim diagonally, not just straight back fighting against it. You got to swim diagonally to get out of it and swim out that way. But you can get caught in a rip current that’ll just all of a sudden, you just look back and you’re like, “Whoa, I’m already a couple hundred yards offshore here.” So yeah, it can get scary if you’re not careful about it or if you just get caught in one out of nowhere. Especially if you’re a little inexperienced or you’re not as confident, it can be a scary situation, for sure.
Scott
Yeah. And the instinct, I’m sure, would be to try to just swim directly back to shore.
Patrick
Yeah.
Scott
But then you’re just fighting it and you’re not going to get anywhere except worn out.
Patrick
Yeah, exactly.
Scott
That’s not the way to go.
Patrick
Right.
Scott
Okay. Well, let’s talk about that day. Who were you with?
Patrick
I went out with a friend who lives on my block, a friend I’d had for a while that I’d met in college. His name is John. I’d just ridden my bike back from work, and he was in front of his house getting ready, and we just talked about it. He’s like, “Feel like going for a surf?” And I was just like, “Yeah, let’s go.” We went and took a look at it. It didn’t look like anything special. It was a very gray, windswept, overcast day, foggy in San Francisco, and we just decided to go for it. We call it a maintenance session – when you haven’t been out in a little while, just kind of get a little exercise, have some fun, and just keep your skills sharp. So yeah, we just decided to go for it that day.
Scott
And you didn’t see anything unusual about the water or the waves or anything?
Patrick
Looking back, the only thing that I knew right away when I stepped in that was unusual was that all the sandbars were really exposed. It was a low tide, and there were just tons of sandbars exposed, and I just remember thinking to myself that, “Wow, I don’t know if I’ve ever seen quite this many sandbars exposed like this.” So I was like, “This is a little sketchy,” but then you just put it out of your mind, you don’t think about it, you just go.
Scott
Yeah, because they’re always there, right? You just don’t see them.
Patrick
Yeah.
Scott
Take us through what happened.
Patrick
Yeah. So like I said, John and I walked out there, looked at it, went for it. Potentially had been out there maybe half an hour or so. I remember going into a right, meaning taking a right down the face of the wave, popped up, was on it, and then the next thing I remember is just my board coming to an abrupt stop, and I just flew off the board, and I went headfirst into a sandbar. Kind of came to and everything was black. My face was out in the water and I just remember thinking to myself like, “Whoa, what, just happened here?” And thinking “All right. Well, you just wiped off your board, so swim. Get up.” And right when I told myself to swim, I just quickly came to the realization that I was just completely paralyzed, I couldn’t move. My brain is telling my body to swim, and it just wasn’t working. So the thoughts that were just permeating through my head was just, “Swim. You can do this. Swim.” Nothing again.
Scott
Were you hearing anything at this time?
Patrick
Nothing except the voice inside my own head. Yeah.
Scott
Okay. Because you were face down in the water, right?
Patrick
Yeah, I heard some ringing, but I was just face down in the water.
Scott
Just roughly how deep was the water at that spot?
Patrick
I don’t even– maybe a couple feet. Maybe three feet or something, four feet.
Scott
If you hit a sandbar, obviously that’s the ground.
Patrick
Yeah.
Scott
And did you have any orientation as to which way was up or down or anything?
Patrick
I think I knew what was going on. I knew that I was just floating face down. It was just a matter of getting myself to move, getting a breath, and– it’s hard to describe when your brain is telling you to do something and your body’s not responding at all. I just knew I was going to drown at that point. I remember thinking, “I hope John saw me,” and then, quickly, I put that out of my head because I was like, “There’s no way.” I know how it goes to paddle out with someone out there, and you lose each other quickly from the riptide taking you away or the fog just separating you. So I was like, “There’s no way he saw me.” So once I realized I couldn’t swim at all, I was like, “All right. Well, you’re a paraplegic. You can’t really live the rest of your life like this anyways.” So I remember just saying goodbye to my family, being really scared about where I was going, what’s going to happen, and I just remember that I really wanted to live at that point and I felt like it wasn’t fair. I was like, “This doesn’t happen to you. This happens to other people.” You read about this, you hear about it, and when it’s happening to you in real life, it just obviously hits a little differently.
Scott
You had also mentioned that when you realized you might be dying, there was a split second where you felt a sense of relief. What was that about?
Patrick
I think, before the accident happened, I had a lot of dark days where I’d come out of a long relationship, and the ending was pretty tumultuous, and I felt like a lot of blame, a lot of guilt, and consistently just talking negative to myself in my head, and just believing that there was kind of no way out of it, and I was just in a funk long– just straight depression from it. So, when this happened, I remember just thinking to myself for a sec, I was like, “Well, maybe this is it, and maybe this isn’t so bad. You can just kind of wash away at this point.” And then I remember it’s all in one thing. It’s kind of crazy how I remember everything just right away. I was just like, “No, this shouldn’t be how it ends.” I remember in that moment thinking about how much I wanted to live, and I think that really stays with me – just remembering in that moment what that feeling was like, that when you were faced with your own mortality, you actually did want to live. There was no embracing death there. It was really me just realizing that’s foolish talk, and you’re meant to be here, not to, die at this time.
Scott
Are you able to summon that feeling again, like maybe when you get discouraged about day-to-day events or stuff like that?
Patrick
Yeah, I would say so. I think what this accident has done for me is change my perspective immensely on a lot of different things. I don’t get too upset about one thing or the other, and I try to focus on what’s important in my life. If I do have some things pop up like some stuff that’ll kind of put me in a funk, I try to remember that stuff and just try to remember what that feeling was like. For me, I don’t think I could ever go back to feeling as bad as I was before the accident, because it’s just– I feel like I stayed here for a purpose, and I feel like it would be disrespectful to the universe in general for me not to embrace life and not to go full force from now on, because I have a second opportunity here, and most people don’t get that second opportunity.
Scott
Does it give you a feeling like, “Wow, okay, I’ve been given this second chance. Now I have to earn it”?
Patrick
To an extent. I think what I need to be careful with is not putting too much pressure on myself. I know that there’s a bunch of stuff that I still want to accomplish, there’s a bunch of stuff I still want to do, but I think any of us, when we put too much pressure on ourselves, it cannot work out too well at times. That’s how I got myself into trouble when I was younger and before– was essentially just expecting too much of myself and just putting too much on myself. Then, when things didn’t go that way, it was a lot of negative self-talk, a lot of me just being like, “You did it again. You’re not going to be happy. You don’t deserve this.” And I think, now, I am just learning to be more gentle with myself. I know there’s a lot of things that I want to pursue. There’s tons of things that I know that I’m capable of that I want to accomplish, but just remembering at the same time just to be more kind and more gentle to myself.
Scott
Yeah. Self-talk is really important, for sure.
Patrick
Very.
Scott
You’re face down in the water. What do you remember next after that?
Patrick
I remember I kind of made a last-ditch effort to tell myself, “Turn your neck and get a breath. Turn your neck and get a breath. Just try one.” And I tried, and I just remember again, “Okay, no, it’s not going to happen.” And then starting to think, “Okay, well, here it goes,” and just being like, “Where am I going to go?” And being kind of scared. Then, all of a sudden, I was just kind of embraced by a really bright white light. It felt very peaceful. It felt very loving. The next thing that I knew, I was sucked out of my body, like at an incredible rate of speed, just upwards. That was essentially it.
After that, when I woke up on the beach, I was just surrounded by a bunch of people, and just a lot of stuff going on. I could hear “He’s up,” and “What’s his pulse?” Just all the medical people speaking. And I was just kind of “Where am I? Where am I?” I remember seeing John out of the corner of my eye, and he was just standing there kind of looking like a ghost. I looked and I was like, “John, did you give me CPR?” And he was just kind of staring at me and nodding his head a little bit, but you could tell he was just really shook up.
John
I remember paddling back out after catching a wave, and getting out to the lineup, and Pat wasn’t there. No one else was out surfing with us.
Scott
This is Patrick’s friend, John.
John
I was just confused as to where he was, kind of looking around. It was super foggy. You couldn’t even see the beach from where we were. I thought something could be wrong, but I was also like, “Nah, nothing’s wrong.” You always kind of have those feelings and then, of course, everything’s fine. We had only been out 15 minutes or so, and it wasn’t really a big consequential day or anything. It was just a little eerie because of the fog. I was trying to catch another wave, but also just kind of scanning around, looking for where he could be.
Eventually, I don’t know how many minutes went by, but it was at least a couple minutes, whatever, before I realized his board was bobbing up and down, I don’t know, 50 yards away from me towards the beach. I didn’t see him at first, so I just was like, “All right, should probably go check that out.” I started paddling over, and it wasn’t very long before him face down in the water, floating next to the board. My first thought was, “He’s dead. This is kind of going to fuck with you for the rest of your life, but maybe there’s a chance to save him, so paddle as hard as you can. You only get one shot at this, so don’t screw it up.”
Paddled over. It was like slow motion. Took forever to get there. Was probably paddling as hard as I could. I remember having the thought, “Of course, move as fast as you can, but kind of smooth as fast, as they say. You don’t want to completely exhaust yourself and then not be able to get him in after getting to him or something like that.” Eventually, I got to him, flipped him over, and he was totally blue in the face, like a Smurf, foaming at the mouth, not breathing. I was like, “Oh man, this is not good.”
It was shallow enough that I could stand on the bottom. I don’t know, it was belly button deep or something, maybe a little higher. So, I could drag him in a good way. But as it gets shallower, it gets heavier with less buoyancy. I was able to get him up on my chest kind of with my hands behind his neck, and walk backwards towards the beach. We were still a good way out. Even though it was kind of shallow, there were sandbars all the way out.
The whole thing in my mind, “Get him to the beach, do CPR.” That’s it. I had some other thoughts probably racing through my mind about not getting to him fast enough and, “This is partially your fault or whatever, but you can compartmentalize those thoughts for now and worry about that later. Just try and save him.” As I got closer, I could see a fisherman fishing from the shore, and I remember screaming at him, but he couldn’t hear me. I couldn’t get his attention, so I was like, “Don’t waste your energy screaming. Just get him in.”
Another 10-15 feet, I looked over again and I was screaming again, and he saw me. So the fisherman jumped into action, ran over. Somehow, another couple of people noticed the commotion and helped. We helped get him in the last 30 feet onto the sand. Someone else started giving him CPR at first, but the person didn’t know how to give CPR, so I took over and started doing compressions and mouth-to-mouth, and it was pretty quick before that first breath came during the first round of compressions – maybe the second – and it’s like that snorty, they call it agonal breathing, I think. Also not pretty. It’s like a really messed up choking sound was his first breath. Just kept on giving him CPR. Kind of turned him on his side. He’s spitting out water.
Someone had the paramedics on the phone with what to do. They were just like, “Keep on giving him CPR.” I just kept on giving him CPR until his breath became more normal and almost like a normal breath. He was still unconscious but, about the same time I saw the paramedics running down the sand dune, he was totally breathing. I was asking the other people around “Is he breathing okay? Should I keep going?” Everyone’s like, “Yeah, I think he’s okay. I think he’s breathing normal.” And, yeah, and once the paramedics got there, I just kind of stepped aside and sat down on the ground and tried to collect myself.
They put him in the back of the ambulance and, eventually, I was just asking the paramedics like, “Oh, is he going to be all right? Is he going to be all right?” Eventually, someone was like, “Yeah, I think he’s going to be all right, man. You want to talk to him?” I was totally shocked. I’m like, “Talk? He’s talking?” In the condition I saw him, I was like, “He’s going to be maybe never waking up or not able to function mentally ever again.” So I was just shocked he was able to talk.
Went over to the ambulance, and we kind of had a quick conversation. He’s just shaking his head like, “I’m sorry, man.” I’m like, “Don’t be sorry.” Then I was walking back through the neighborhood and some guy came up to me, he saw me holding both boards. The guy was walking with a beer, and he’s like, “Man, what happened?” I told him, I was like, “Dude, my buddy just fucking drowned. I just dragged him out of the water and gave him CPR. He went to the hospital.” The guy’s just like, “Holy shit.” And he took his beer, he’s like, “Here, you need this more than I do.” So yeah, we chugged a beer after that and then went to the hospital to see Pat.
Patrick
Yeah, I was taken from the beach to the hospital via ambulance, and then the next couple days were just a lot of MRIs, tests. I remember when I got to the ER, I was in just an immense amount of pain on my upper body. The nerve damage was, like, crazy. It was, like, just burning, nuts. Then, my right arm was locked up – couldn’t really move. My right hand was locked into a claw – I couldn’t move it at all – and my legs weren’t working. So it was like my upper body I could move, and my left arm and left hand I could move, but everything else wasn’t.
We decided to go forth with an operation. I had a surgeon essentially talk to me and give me my options, and he’s like, “If you get this surgery, we believe that 70% chance that you can recover over time. You’re young, you’re fit, you’re healthy. So, we believe, with the right amount of time, discipline and the right mindset, you can be successful and you could potentially walk again after this.” So I remember just saying, “Let’s go.” And I got a spinal fusion. They went in through my trachea in the front and my spine in the back, fused my C3 through C5, and put a titanium rod in there. From there, I got taken to a live-in rehab facility for a few weeks where I’d learn how to do everything again.
Scott
What was your actual injury?
Patrick
Broken neck and compacted spinal cord.
Scott
Usually you hear a broken neck, that is almost certainly people don’t survive that.
Patrick
Right, yeah. Very fortunate.
Scott
That’s got to be so scary. I mean, all your life, your hands have been right in front of you. You can move them when you want to and you don’t even think about it but, now, you look at your hand and it’s not moving.
Patrick
Yeah. Well, I mean, I think the most terrifying thing about everything was just – in my mind – being like, “Who am I? What is my identity now? Am I going to be like this for the rest of my life? How am I going to work? I’m never going to be an athlete again. My family’s going to have to take care of me, so I’m going to be a burden on other people.” All these different thoughts permeating through your mind. I remember them telling me how lucky I was that I was able to survive and come back, and I just kind of remember lying there and it was hard to process that in the beginning. I was like, I don’t know if I’d use lucky as the word in this situation but it took me a little while to realize that they were right because I’m still alive.
Scott
Did you ever have thoughts comparing your situation with Christopher Reeve?
Patrick
Yeah, I had people mention him to me. I don’t think he was, like, going through my brain in the hospital. But yeah, I’ve definitely explored his story a lot more.
Scott
Can you describe your recovery?
Patrick
Pretty long and arduous. Humbling, especially in the beginning, relying on other people to take care of me. Was always pretty independent and didn’t really rely on others to help me with a lot of things and try to do things on my own. Being in a hospital bed and having to be rolled over and sponge bath in the beginning, and then not being able to go to the bathroom by myself, not being able to leave my bed by myself, having to be in a wheelchair everywhere, it was demoralizing a little bit but also humbling at the same time.
I think they had me out here at the UCSF in San Francisco for– I think I was there for 8 or 9 days with the arrival, the surgery, and then the few days after the surgery, and then I got transported about 45 minutes north of San Francisco to a rehab facility that I stayed in for about three weeks. In there, it was just focusing on small tasks like putting on a shirt, putting on pants, tying a shoe, and small things like taking a few steps down the hallway in the beginning. So all these things that we take for granted throughout our lives, I didn’t have them. It was just like getting stripped to absolutely nothing, and then just having to build yourself back up from there.
There were days and nights where it was more difficult than others, but I was very fortunate that I had so many people in my life just show up for me and support me. I had so many people come to the hospital, so many people reached out. It was amazing and, without their support, it would’ve been a lot more difficult.
Scott
I know you, by nature, are someone who enjoys taking on a big challenge. Is that how you saw this? I mean, when you first started, you said you could just move your hand a couple of centimeters.
Patrick
Yeah.
Scott
To some people, they would look at that and say, “Man, that’s terrible.”
Patrick
Yeah.
Scott
But to you, it was like, “Wow, okay, if I can move it that much, maybe I can move it some more if I keep working at it.” Was that how you saw it?
Patrick
Yeah, it wasn’t a fun challenge, let’s say that. But yeah, I just remember being in the hospital bed and there were– my medical team was great. There were a lot of nurses, a lot of physical therapists that worked closely with me and really encouraged me. I remember a nurse just really working with me and being like, “Let’s move your toe, move your big toe.” And nothing was happening, and then, eventually, one day, I just kept trying to do it and I could see it just move in the smallest little bit. And honestly, from then on, I looked at it and I was just amazed. I was like, “It moved! It moved!” And I was like, “If I can move that toe that little bit, that means that I can move my foot. If I can move my foot, then I can move my leg. If I can move my leg, I can stand. If I can stand, I can walk. And if I can walk, I can eventually run.” So it was just bit by bit and just breaking it down and just working harder each day than the previous day. How can I get better today? How can I improve?
I would say, after a week, I started making so much more progress, and a lot of the people there didn’t really understand how I was making so much progress so quickly. A lot of the physical therapists that were working with me were just like, “I can’t believe how well you’re doing. You’re just responding so well.” And for me, it was just having that grit, just telling myself, “All right, I am not going to allow myself to be paralyzed right now. I’m going to get better.” Having a positive mentality, speaking highly to myself, being like, “You’re going to get through this. This is going to get better.” And each day I just worked harder than the day before, and it just got better and better.
After about three weeks, they were able to– they reluctantly discharged me. They wanted to keep me longer, but I just couldn’t do it anymore in the hospital. Like, all the beeping, all the noises every single night– it was tough to actually get rest there. There was a lot of depression, a lot of messed up people that were there, a lot of people that had given up, and I was really just doing my best to be a beacon of light when I was there, and talk to people on the side, and just be an inspiration for them. “Look, if I can do this, you can do it.”
Eventually, when it came time and we talked about an eventual release plan, I was able to get out of there way earlier than anticipated. I was able to go home to my parents and stay with them. They had a hospital bed in there, so we were able to set that up, and I could just focus on doing outpatient rehab and rehabbing myself while I was over there.
Scott
Yeah. I imagine that kind of became your full-time job around the clock – getting all your movement back.
Patrick
Oh, for sure. No doubt.
Scott
I know you mentioned it was kind of ironic because, from the hospital bed, you watched on TV the San Francisco Marathon and you were actually registered to run in that race.
Patrick
Yeah. I remember thinking that and I was just in bed and I’m watching the news, and I was like, “Oh, the marathon. I’m supposed to run in that.” And the nurse just kind of just gave me a pity look and just like, “Sweetie, you can’t walk. How are you going to run in that?” And I was just like, “Oh yeah, I forgot about that one. All right.”
Scott
A little technicality there.
Patrick
Yeah.
Scott
Okay. But you set a goal to do another ultra, and this is the Moab 240. Can you describe that race?
Patrick
The Moab 240 is 240 miles through the desert and the mountains in Utah. I think there’s an elevation gain in the whole thing of like 35,000 feet, something like that, and it’s just well known as one of the most difficult ultramarathons in the world. I had applied for it before the accident, so I had been training for it. The accident happened about three months to the day of that race. So I remember once I was able to start moving and going, that race started coming back into my mind, and I was just like, “Why can’t I do that race? I can do this.” I’d talk about it at the hospital a lot to anyone that would listen. I’d be like, “I’m going to run this Moab 240 race.” And everyone’s just “Yeah, okay, sure. Maybe we should check your brain scans again,” or, “Let’s focus on going to the bathroom by yourself or walking down the hallway before you talk about running 240 miles.” Nobody believed that I would be able to do that. I mean, it was my North Star, that was what really helped me get better – just focusing on that. Every day it was like, “Okay, what can I do to improve myself?” and “What can I do to get better so that I can run that race?”
It was a long road. When I got released from the hospital, I lost about 50 pounds. I was down to about 146 pounds coming out of the hospital, and taking a walk around the block was still difficult. So it was a long road, but I left it up until about maybe 3 weeks before the race before I made the decision – two weeks before the race – and then I just was like, “You know what? I’m going to do it. Forget it.” And for me, getting out there, I had to put things into perspective. I was like, “You’re already doing something amazing by getting out here. Whether you do 5 miles, 20 miles, or you finish the thing, I got to be proud of myself and give myself credit for getting there because it’s just a miracle in its own right that I was able to get out there and be able to start.”
Scott
Yeah, from the day of the accident to the race day was only like three months. Right?
Patrick
Yeah. Three months, yeah.
Scott
So you were paralyzed three months earlier, and now you’re at the starting line of a 240-mile race.
Patrick
Yeah, exactly. I mean, it’s pretty crazy when you hear it out loud, right?
Scott
How did that race go?
Patrick
I was able to do 144 miles before my body just completely gave out.
Scott
Well, you had lost weight and lost fitness, right?
Patrick
Oh, yeah.
Scott
I mean, when you’re training for any kind of long race like that, typically, you train and then you taper. You don’t really exercise the last week or two maybe.
Patrick
Yeah.
Scott
You had a three-month taper. Nobody would build that into their training plan.
Patrick
Right. I mean, not ideal, but I was just proud of myself for getting there. I was actually pretty dejected when I had to give up.
Scott
But 144 miles–
Patrick
Yeah, I had to give myself some credit. My friend was there with me and, at mile 144, he met me at an aid station. I had a really bad night and I was just in so much pain. He just looked at me and was like, “Pat, you got nothing left to prove right now. If you need to throw it in, throw it in.” I was crying and I was just like, “All right, let’s just go” because I had made a promise to my family before I went there. I know the difference between good pain and bad pain. Good pain being hard work that you can feel makes you better, that you can push through. Bad pain being like, “If I keep doing this, I’m going to do something detrimental and irreversible.” I knew I was in a precarious place with the state of my spine and everything going out there, so I was already pushing my limits way beyond. I was, like, above the limits that I was supposed to go, but I had to remember just to reel myself in a bit and not push myself to the point where I would do something that would hinder my recovery.
Scott
It was a smart decision.
Patrick
I think so.
Scott
I know it’s tough to make a decision like that in the moment-
Patrick
Yeah, absolutely.
Scott
I mean, you still had almost 100 miles left to go and wouldn’t have made it.
Patrick
I’m not sure I could’ve made it, no.
Scott
But you ran that race again the next year.
Patrick
I did, yeah. So I got back in and– man, just like a euphoric feeling. It was like it was written in the stars. It was meant to be. Remember getting the email acceptance. I was, like, doing the hike and then I got that email, and I was just like, “Oh my God.” I started smiling and I was just so happy, and I was like, “This has to be destiny.” Then, after a minute or two of thinking about that, I just flipped and I was like, “Ah, damn. Now I got to do this again.” because I was like, “I remember what this entails. Now I know what it is like and I know how difficult this is for someone that’s trained all year long for it, let alone someone that was in my situation.” But, even if you’re putting in all the work and doing everything right, 240 miles is 240 miles. Anything that’s multi-day, multiple nights is just a whole different animal, and it’s as much as preparing for it from a physical standpoint as preparing for the race itself, just all of the different– the aid stations, your sleep, all the logistics about it and how you’re going to tackle this thing. I know what it entails and these things are just a whole different animal. They’re insane.
Scott
And how did that race go?
Patrick
I was doing really well up until mile 65 or so. There was a lot of rain during the race, like insane amounts of rain, and it caused a lot of problems with mud, wet shoes, and wet clothes. I had to go through this river channel one time that was really soaking my feet up. So at mile 65, I stopped at an aid station. My feet were really jacked up, and then my legs were kind of giving out.
Scott
That’s pretty early in the race to be in that kind of trouble.
Patrick
Yeah, I was just hitting a wall like a lot of people do. It’s just how you respond to it. So I went from being, like, in the top 25 to really dropping down. But I remember the next section just being really difficult because it was all uphill from there. But at the top of that, someone laid me down with a massage gun and really stretched me out and just gave me my legs back, and I was like, “Thank goodness.” So I was able to keep going. There were some sections that were just insane with the rain, going straight uphill, just like slipping down hills in the mud. Going downhill was difficult in the mud. It was all crazy.
Scott
I know people are hearing this right now thinking, “Why would anyone want to do this?” But it’s something that only ultra-runners kind of know.
Patrick
I’m not sure how to describe it completely. It’s just one of those things, like I always enjoy pushing myself and seeing where my limits are at. When you go through these experiences, on the other side of the struggle is the beauty. If you can finish one of these things, just coming out on the other side of something that is so immensely difficult, you just learn so much through the entire process and on the other side of it, it’s just euphoric. You just feel amazing. It’s an accomplishment.
Scott
I’ve seen a lot of tears at finish lines at races like this. It’s just emotionally overwhelming.
Patrick
For sure. When you’ve given everything, you’re just exhausted beyond the point of rationality, you give everything inside you to this, and when you finish, you’re just, like, absolutely overcome with emotion.
Scott
How long did it take you?
Patrick
Oh, man. It took me like 114 hours, something like that because I was struggling a bit towards the end, but I did it. I still have a lot of problems with my body from the accident, a lot of nerve pain, and I don’t move quite the same as I used to. Sometimes, I forget that and then I’ll just keep going and, during this race, it caught up to me again. I got to take this medication every eight hours in order to kind of keep functioning. I still got a lot of residual effects from it. So, even 15 months on from the accident, a lot of medical people were telling me that it is still incredibly early in the recovery process, and to be attempting something like this is still– 15 months is still a short window. But I was able to finish and beat the cutoff.
I think the cutoff was 117 hours, so I only beat the cutoff by a couple hours. It just felt amazing to be able to finish that. I think probably more than a third of the people that start don’t finish that. So just to be able to do it and just know that everything came full circle from my accident to running it the first time to finishing it the second time and closing that chapter definitely– there aren’t words to describe how I was feeling when I crossed that finish line.
My pacer for the last 40 miles of the race was my friend John, who pulled me from the water and gave me CPR. So I think for that whole portion, I felt like that was all destiny. It was just meant to be. John and I had so many conversations about life, death, the accident, what happened in that last 40 miles, that it just bonded us even closer than where we’re at. So, just for us to be able to finish that race together, it’s kind of like we started this journey together and now we’re finishing that journey together.
Scott
Unbelievable.
Patrick
Yeah.
Scott
Now, you’ve got another race coming up that’s kind of special to you. What’s that?
Patrick
Yeah, so I’m going to run the New York City Marathon in November, and I’m raising funds for the Christopher and Dana Reeve Foundation, helping to find a cure for paralysis, helping fundraise for people that still are going through things like I went through or still having all these issues going on. It’s just a very meaningful organization for me. Obviously, I feel very connected to it. I know the money goes to a very good place, and I just want to give back. I don’t like the word obligation, but I feel like I have a calling to give back to the universe as a whole, to give back to especially people that have gone through things like I have or are still going through it. I just really want to help, so this is one way that I feel that I can. So just trying to raise as much money as possible and be out there with a really special group of people that are doing the same thing, and it has always been a dream to run that marathon too.
Scott
And the marathon’s only 26.2 miles. That’s like a fun run for you.
Patrick
Yeah, well, I’m a nut. A few nights ago, I signed up for a 100-mile race two and a half weeks before that one, so we’ll see what happens then.
Scott
Okay. Well, that’ll be a good training run for the marathon, right?
Patrick
Yeah, it’ll be a good warm up,
Scott
Do you have any fear of death now?
Patrick
I don’t, so much. I have a fear of not accomplishing what I’m supposed to be here for. I refuse to go back to living an empty hollow life that I don’t believe is what I should be doing. I know that I’m here for a reason, and I believe that I’m here for a purpose. So am I afraid of dying? I’m really not. I don’t want to leave this earth until I accomplish everything that I’m supposed to accomplish in this world. I couldn’t tell you exactly what all of that is right now, but I think I’m on the right path. I can just feel it in myself.
Scott
It sounds like it.
Patrick
Yeah.
Scott
Why do you want to get this story out there?
Patrick
I think that’s part of my purpose. That’s part of what I’m supposed to be here for. I’m supposed to be a beacon of light, supposed to be an inspiration for others. I think that my story can really resonate, can really speak to others, and can inspire people that are not just going through something as massive as I went through, just people in day-to-day existence. I see a lot of struggle in society. I see a lot of people that are going through difficult times, people that are having a hard time living with themselves, living in this world today, and I just feel like I can really speak to a lot of people.
I think a lot of people will resonate– my message will resonate with them and people can be inspired. So that’s my ultimate goal – just how many people can I really connect to to just make sure that they improve their lives, that they realize the value of what we have, not wasting our time, making the most of our lives because, in reality, we never know when our last moment is here. It’s not like I went out surfing that day and I was like, “All right, today’s a good enough day as any to die.” No. I just went out to surf and then moved on to something else because we always just think there’s going to be this next thing, but we never know when our last day is. So it’s just embracing life, living with intention, being kind to people, being good, and just making sure that you love yourself.
Scott
All right. Well, yeah, I know people are going to hear this and be inspired.
Patrick
Appreciate that.
Scott
Thanks for sharing your story.
Patrick
Absolutely. Thank you so much for having me on. I appreciate it
Scott
This is one of the greatest comeback stories I’ve ever heard. And coincidentally, the day this episode goes live, which is July 10, 2026, is the 2-year anniversary of Patrick’s accident.
If you want to follow him, he’s on Facebook and Instagram, and we’ll have the links to his socials in the episode notes at WhatWasThatLike.com/261.
Our Facebook question this past Tuesday was: What’s your job, and what do you love about it? I know not everyone loves what they do for work, but a lot of people do. Myself included! Come on over and tell us what you love about what you do for a living. The Facebook group is at WhatWasThatLike.com/facebook.
Graphics for this episode were created by Bob Bretz. Full episode transcription was created by James Lai.
Now let’s get to the Listener Story. Every main episodes ends with a short, personal story sent in by a listener. I know you have a story, and we want to hear it! Just record a 5-10 minute story on your phone and email it to me – Scott@WhatWasThatLike.com.
This listener talks about placing her child for adoption – and what happened in the years that followed.
Stay safe, and we’ll see you next time.
(Listener story)
When I was 16, I put my daughter up for adoption. I had used a private adoption lawyer. At the time, birth parents and adoptive parents could not meet. Several months after the adoption was final, however, the law was changed, making it possible for birth parents to meet prospective adoptive parents. I contacted the adoption lawyer to see if there was any chance for a meeting after the fact, and she said that was not likely but she would ask, and she was wrong. Those lovely people agreed to meet me and, not only that, they brought a box full of photos and told me to take whatever I wanted. They were truly special people. We didn’t keep in touch as that was not part of our original agreement, but each milestone I celebrated in my life – like my marriage, buying my first home, having a child – was all marked by a special gift of photos and letters from them and congratulations.
When their daughter – let’s call her L – was about five years old, I received a call from the adoption lawyer asking if I wanted to speak at a home for unwed teen mothers. They were looking for a girl who had given up their child for adoption, one who had not, and a couple who had adopted a child. The lawyer that we had used was setting everything up, and she decided that she would like to present both sides of the adoption with me and the couple who had adopted my child. We were not able to be in the building at the same time but, after the recession, they left behind another thoughtful gift of some recent photos and a letter.
Fast-forward to their daughter’s 18th birthday. They presented her with a letter I had written to her explaining my situation at the time of my pregnancy and her birth, which was not ideal, and why I had chosen to place her for adoption. I had hopes of hearing from her, but she decided to hold off for another year. But eventually, she got in touch by letter via the adoption lawyer. She was heading off to university in the fall, but she was going to enjoy a backpacking trip in Europe for six months before then, and she didn’t want to worry about having to think about the outcome of meeting me and what would happen after that.
Well into her second year of university, she reached out to me via Facebook and asked if we could meet the next time she was in town. Not long afterwards, we met up at a local mall and we went for lunch and then strolled along the waterway in our city, and it was a wonderful few hours. She asked if we could keep in touch, and I told her that she would be the one to control where our relationship went. I didn’t want to pressure her.
A few months later, a musician who we both liked was appearing at an outdoor concert a few hours away. I had not told my daughter, who was four years old at the time, about her “sister,” and decided to plan an outing with the girls to the concert. My daughter had mentioned that she wished that she had a sister a few times. So, on the way to the concert, I said, “Remember you told me you wanted a sister?” I told her we were going to go meet her sister and spend the night at a concert and then a hotel. I told her the adoption story on the drive to get her sister in age-appropriate terms, and she was very excited. We had a great time together that weekend, and the girls got along very well.
When we parted ways, it was decided that my husband, daughter, and I would head up to see L at the city where she was attending university. This took place a couple of months after the concert trip and we had another great weekend. L told my daughter that she would come to our house the next time she was in our city and she wanted to see her room and all her toys, and my daughter was again very excited. But unfortunately, another meeting was not to happen, not for another 19 years anyways. L explained that her brother, who was also adopted, had severe anxiety issues, and he was obsessing over the possibility of her leaving their family to join ours now that she had met up with us. They were extremely close, and she was worried sick about his reaction and didn’t know how exactly to fit me and my little family into her already existing family. Her brother was born with fetal alcohol syndrome, so he had a lot of emotional issues, and she just didn’t want to cause him any pain, so she severed ties.
Shortly before she contacted me again, I had a chance encounter with her parents, which was very funny. My husband and I own a business, and her father had left a voicemail looking for a quote for our services, and he didn’t have a very common surname, so I was almost positive that I knew who I was calling before I called him, but he had no idea. So we discussed what services he required, and then I dropped the bomb about who I was, and I told him that if he wanted to pretend the call never happened, I’d completely understand. But to the contrary, in his ever so classy style, he replied, “Hell, no. All the more reason to have you come by. Can you stay for a coffee, or will it just be your husband coming?” And of course, I wouldn’t have missed that for the world, so I accompanied my husband and ended up chatting with them for a couple of hours while my husband did what he had to do, and then he took off, and I stuck around, and we got the job.
Not long after that, L reached out to me by Facebook, and she sent me a sonogram photo, and that was a really wonderful surprise. I was hoping that she was having second thoughts about a reunion, but she was really just looking for medical information and wanted to know how my pregnancies were, et cetera. I was surprised when she told me they were planning a trip back to Canada the following summer. She was now living on the other side of the world. So, she said she would like me and my family to meet her child, and I told her that would be amazing, and I told her to keep in touch. So various photos were sent over the next few months, but conversation was kept at a minimum. As the following summer neared, she had not mentioned anything about meeting up again, so I asked her if that was still part of the plan. She said yes, but it seemed a little tentative, so I decided just to wait it out and see what happened.
But we ended up meeting at a park near her parents’ place and spent a lovely three hours together playing with her daughter on the swings and the slide and taking long walks and chatting about her life and her future plans. She was leaving for the cottage the following day, but we made a date to get together for dinner the next week. She said her partner was flying back home, but she and the baby would– they were sticking around for another few weeks, and they would meet up with me, my husband, and my daughter, and we’d go for dinner.
So I left that meeting on a real high, thinking how wonderful it was that she was sharing such a special part of her life with me, and I honestly thought that she felt differently now that she knew what it felt like to be a mother. But such was not the case. She sent me a very long Facebook message that very night explaining that she had found it emotionally too hard to interact with me and that she was severing ties again. So, I was stunned, quite honestly, and I was sad and extremely disappointed but, in the end, I made a decision in 1986 to give her a better life with a family who could provide everything that I could not, and she owed me nothing in return, and I really hope someday she feels differently, but if not, that’s okay. My heart is very hurt, but knowing that she has had a great life with a beautiful child and absolutely wonderful parents gives me great peace.